Face Time

I have been participating in The Global Leadership Summit at Willow Creek in Chicago. 
Last night at a pre-conference dinner, the program was primarily on Willow Creek's international leadership development work. With the exception of Bill Hybels, the speakers were all from other countries except one. This gentleman is a business analyst of some renown who is frequently on the major news network making financial projections. I wish I could report a good economic forecast, but at least he predicted a 1-3% growth for the coming year--maybe that is good after all!

Nevertheless, the best part of his speech was when Bill asked him to share something about his walk with Jesus. His whole demeanor changed from exuding self-confidence to a more humble spirit as he shared a discovery that he made recently. In May he lost his job with a leading finance company, and he hit the bottom. He was so focused on making money and being successful that he forgot about the most important things in life--relationships.

WinShape International teaches the business principles of Chick-fil-A to audiences around the world and one thing is consistent. The fourth principle in the acronym SERVE is the hardest for our audiences in any country to capture in their hearts. That principle is "Value Results and Relationships." Every business person values results because at the end of the day it is about results in your business. If you don't make enough money to pay the bills, then your business has a very limited life expectancy.

The key work in that principle is "and." It is about results AND relationships. I have been leading groups to teach this principle for years, and I still have to work hard every day to remind myself of the importance of relationships. Those of us who are results-oriented have to be slapped on the head from time to time to practice the art of valuing relationships.

I just pray that the generation coming after mine isn't so involved in social media and whatever impersonal mode of relating to one another that comes along to remember that the best way of relating to people is to spend time with them. Technology helps us maintain friendships but nothing replaces face time for building friendships--and that is not face time on the smart phone either!!

Jonah

One of the greatest evangelistic messages in the Bible is the book of Jonah.

Most of the book of Jonah is about how much difficulty God had in getting His godly messenger Jonah to go the people of Nineveh. Jonah tried to run away from the presence of God. God brought a great wind and there was a great storm. The men on the boat decided that Jonah’s running away from his god was causing his god to make the great storm, so they threw him overboard.
The great fish swallowed Jonah and he was in the belly of the fish for three days and three nights. Jonah prayed to God from the belly of the fish and God listened to Jonah and caused the fish to spit Jonah out of his belly.

God charged Jonah again to go Nineveh, and this time Jonah went. His message was simple: “In forty days Nineveh will be overthrown.” The Bible gives us no indication that the people of Nineveh rejected Jonah in any way or questioned his message. Why? God was already working in the hearts of the people of Nineveh convicting them of their sin and their need for repentance. Once God finally got Jonah to Nineveh, his work was very easy. The interesting part of this story is that God had more trouble getting godly Jonah to go than he did convicting the sinful hearts of the people of Nineveh.

This is true today in our lives. God is working in the hearts and lives of many people with whom we will have contact today and tomorrow. He convicts them of their sin; He makes them have special feelings in their hearts for wanting to know more about a right relationship with God; He prepares them for a messenger to come to them to help them. God is in the business of preparing people to receive His message, and He is in the business of calling out the messengers—but He sometimes has more trouble getting us to go than He does in convicting the hearts of the lost. 

God has ordained His Kingdom in such a way that human instrumentality is indispensable—God uses people to reach people. He doesn’t need us, but He has chosen to use us to carry His message to all those who have never heard of the Good News of Jesus. How much trouble is God having with you?

Dark

When I was seven years old my family took a vacation to west Texas to visit my uncle, aunt and cousins. They had moved from Mississippi a couple years earlier, so our family went on our longest road trip ever. It was a very long trip for our ’55 Plymouth, but it was exciting for me as I was in the wild west for the very first time. I have always loved Westerns—movies about the wild west. That very summer I recall collecting six RC Cola bottle caps, so I could get free admission into our local movie theater on Saturday afternoon and watch a double feature of Westerns. Now I was going to go out west where all those movies took place. I was a bit disappointed because I did not see many “real” cowboys, and the Indians that I saw were at roadside souvenir stands.

I was more fascinated with the gila monsters and jackrabbits that were featured at tourist traps along the highway.  It was a good thing there was an occasional oasis along that highway as there was not much else very exciting to see in west Texas.

After visiting with the cousins, we all went on a road trip to Carlsbad Caverns. I was fascinated with the stalactites and stalagmites—although I had no idea what those were called at that time! Our tour guide led us deeper and deeper into the cavern, and when we reached a certain point all of a sudden the lights went out. I was scared. It was pitch black.

I didn’t want to be a baby and grab for my mother’s hand because my cousin who was a year older than me would have laughed at me, so I toughed it out. But, I was sooooo afraid. If someone had said, “Boo!” I would have screamed. Our guide said, “Don’t worry. We know where the light switch is.” That did not make me feel better. While the lights were out they played a recording of Rock of Ages and many of the tourists joined in singing.

All of us have been in similar situations where it was so very dark, and some of us will admit that we were actually afraid.

Darkness is something to be feared by many, but it is a friend to those who seek evil. Statistics bear this out, but most of us would realize without knowing the stats that many more crimes are committed during the nighttime than in the daytime. Darkness harbors so much evil in our world today.

While we talk of the despicable things that are done in the dark, we followers of Jesus are guilty of committing sins in the darkness of the moment—when we get mad for something someone says or implies, or when we return spite for spite, or when we have that thought that is not pure and holy before God.

I was playing golf in Florida years ago and my friend and I were placed with two strangers for our foursome. The two guys found out that my friend and I were working for a church, and one of them started cussing after a bad hook. He quickly said he was sorry that he had cussed in front of “holy men.” I said, “That’s OK because you can say anything in front of me that you can say in front of God.” He did not like that comment—granted it was a bit smart aleck. But, he got the message. We don’t do anything in the darkness that God doesn’t know and care about.

“Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed on the housetops.” ESV, Luke 12: 2-3

Born Leaders

Our Sunday School lesson today was on Deborah, the judge and prophetess. I thought a lot about positional versus influential leadership as I wondered if Deborah would have led from her God-given appointment as a judge or was she a leader who led by influence. That discussion will wait for another day. I am wondering more about the expression “born leader.”

Believe it or not but I was rather shy growing up. Like most kids I had a fear of getting up in front of people. Treon Jackson broke me of that fear. She and her husband, J.L., were the leaders of my Training Union class for ages 10-12 year olds. She literally made me get up in front of my peers and read a “part” in Training Union one Sunday night. She told me that if I did not do it that she would tell my mama and daddy that I was not listening to her, and she was sure that I would receive a very severe punishment.

I read that part out of fear, but once it was done, I discovered that I liked to do things like that. From that point on in my life, I have not been afraid to get in front of people and talk. In high school I enjoyed parts in school plays and participated in student government.

We all have regrets from college, but one of mine is not something I did, but rather something that I did not do—major in speech or drama. I changed majors so much in college that when I was a junior I had to find a major where I could use some of the hodgepodge of courses that I had assembled in my transcript.

So, the adage that we often hear is that leaders are born leaders. Do you think that is true? I don’t think leadership is a quality that you have to be born with. Leadership is not about being genetically lucky and being born into the “right” family. However, there are some characteristics that a leader must have that are part of their makeup. One of those is the courage to speak out and risk rejection. Mrs. Jackson threatened me to do that part, but I had to have the courage to do it without worrying about what my peers would do or say.

Another trait that a leader must have is the ability or the desire to challenge the status quo—to stand up for what you believe or to break new ground. Leaders ask questions like “why?” or “how?” They look for the desired outcome and how it fits with the mission.

Max Dupree wrote a little book years ago that remains my all-time favorite book on leadership. In “The Art of Leadership” Dupree says that leadership is about people awareness and a lot of gut. For me that means that a leader steps up to the plate when there is a defining moment that begs for a leader to emerge. That leader does not wait for that moment to ask what she needed to do to lead. She had been preparing for a long time for the right moment to exhibit her leadership skills. John Wooden was at one of our Chick-fil-A seminars a few years ago before he passed away, and I recall him saying something like this: “Once the opportunity to lead arrives it is too late to prepare.”

You don’t have to be a leader today to prepare to be a leader someday. Many people miss the opportunity to be a leader because they are waiting on someone to ask them to be a leader. It is like being “on deck” waiting for your turn to bat without ever getting up to the plate and taking a swing.

Go ahead—step into the batter’s box. Speak out and change the status quo!

Donkeys

Twenty five years ago we left West Africa. In many ways it seems like yesterday. We had some amazing experiences during our years in West Africa. Even after all these years there are a lot of things that I still miss. Among them is a simple way of life with virtually no media and no contact with the outside world except a trip to the capital city every 4-6 weeks. And then there is the opportunity to introduce first generations to following Jesus and starting churches—all those awesome experiences are greatly missed.

Among those things I miss are some of the animals of West Africa: hair sheep, guineas, and donkeys.

We have coyotes all along the creek across the road from our property. They don’t often come onto our property because of our dogs, the neighbors’ dogs, and so much activity going on. The cows are also a deterrent for the coyotes. Since my cows are away from our pasture for several months each year for their annual conjugal visit, I decided to buy a donkey to serve as a “guard” for the goats. From our days in West Africa, I really miss the loud irritating sound that a donkey makes. That braying brings back fond memories of life in the bush. Recently I bought a miniature jenny (female donkey) and named her Mugs. Some of you may have seen her already with one of my goats named “Cups” riding on Mugs’ back (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaqhwK-Y0v4).

Donkey stories are found frequently in the Scriptures. John 12 tells us the story of Jesus entering the city of Jerusalem on a donkey. Jesus found a donkey and fulfilled prophecy: 12 The next day the large crowd that had come to the feast heard that Jesus was coming to Jerusalem. 13 So they took branches of palm trees and went out to meet him, crying out, "Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord, even the King of Israel!" 14 And Jesus found a young donkey and sat on it, just as it is written, 15 "Fear not, daughter of Zion; behold, your king is coming, sitting on a donkey's colt!"

While Jesus was arriving at the East Gate of Jerusalem, tradition tells us that Pilate was arriving at the West Gate in Jerusalem. I suppose that Pilate arrived on a stallion and was heralded by many people proclaiming him king. Jesus arrived on a donkey and was heralded with palm branches by some as a great teacher and healer and by others as a weirdo.

A simple dumb animal brought the King of the universe into Jerusalem to fulfill prophecy. Today we are the donkeys that God wants to use to carry Jesus to all peoples.

Praying them in

I am a firm believer in the power of prayer. When God's people agree on something and pray about it God honors our prayers. I had to get that all out on the table so I won't be misunderstood with the following comments.

Over the years I have attended a plethora of Wednesday night prayer services. Many of you know the routine: opening hymn, prayer, announcements, and then we get to the prayer time. However, we seem to regularly spend more time talking about the prayer requests than we do praying.

In our church prayer meetings we pray mostly for sick people who are members of our church, for the military, for family, for friends of the members of our church, and an occasional mention of “all the missionaries.”  There's nothing wrong with praying for sick people or family and friends. Recently while having my cancer treatments in Florida I relished the prayer support of our church members.

But this is what bothers me—we pray for the sick by name, but how many times do we pray for the lost by name? Interestingly enough we pray more to keep people out of heaven than we pray to get people into heaven!

Honey

When Amanda was a baby she had an inseparable playmate. Her name was Honey. She was a cloth stuffed doll with a plastic head, blue eyes and a perpetual smile. Honey was never far away from Amanda. Honey is still around, packed away in one of many memorabilia boxes.

It has been a long time since I have thought of Honey, but honey is on my mind today.

This is the second season that I have had a beehive. My first year was unsuccessful because the bees did not have enough honey in the hive to survive the winter. This year it is quite a different story.

I don't have all the paraphernalia that is necessary for removing honey from the hive and extracting it from the super, so I depend on a friend to do that for me, and he splits the honey with me. He extracted the honey this week and yesterday he delivered 6 quarts of honey to our house. I am excited about that – even though it will take me a long time to eat that much! So I will be sharing honey with some of my friends. Are you interested?

My best friend from college came over this weekend to bring me another hive. He raised bees for a long time while he was doing research for his PhD, so he came over and gave me and a couple friends some pointers on beekeeping. He and the local friend both dressed in protective gear, so I am the only one who got stung. I would try to get as close to the hive as possible, and then suddenly I was running around the pasture swatting bees.  They had a good laugh at me.

Bees are simply amazing! It is so impressive how committed the worker bees are to the queen. A honeybee spends its short six-week life serving the queen. When predators threaten the beehive (like me yesterday) they are willing to sting and give up their life to protect the queen. They were created by God to serve the queen.

God created us to serve the King. This question is playing over and over in my mind: How does my commitment to the King measure up to the worker bee’s commitment to the queen?

Receiver

When Cheryl and I returned to the states in 1980 from West Africa, our goal was for me to get a degree in agriculture so we could return to the field as agricultural missionaries. Our leadership in West Africa had told us that we could not be given an assignment in agricultural work unless we had an agricultural degree. I was not happy about having to return to the states to go back to school for another degree, especially since I grew up on or around the farm all my life.

Nevertheless, we were determined to stay in the states as long as necessary to meet that requirement. I was going to be a full-time student, and Cheryl was going to be a full-time mother of three small children. We didn't know exactly how we were going to feed those three small children since we had to go on leave of absence from the mission board. But, like He always does, God provided.

To make ends meet I had a variety of jobs. I worked on Mississippi State University's sheep farm during the week. As much as possible I spoke in churches on weekends and received honorariums from those generous people. I raised goats and lambs for 4-H club projects. I bottle-fed Holstein baby calves. We were living on a friend’s farm so I was able to do some truck farming. For those of you who do not know what truck farming is, I raised seasonal vegetables to sell to wholesalers in local farmers’ markets. Jeremy and Jason still tell people I was a slave driver because I only paid them fifty cents a bushel for picking peas. I thought I was rather generous to give him any money.

For six months we were living frugally, but we were very happy. Cheryl and I often refer to this time as some of the best in our lives because we were totally dependent on the Lord to provide for our needs. It was in the sixth month that we received some of the best news that Cheryl and I have ever received. Our home church, First Baptist Church, Vicksburg, Mississippi, had funds left over in their budget after their fiscal year. They sent us a check for $10,000! I will be eternally grateful for that very generous gift. My mentor, Dr. John McCall, was pastor of our home church at that time, and he was largely responsible for leading the church to help us.

Throughout those two years of studies in Starkville, Mississippi many people blessed us by giving us financial resources to help support our family. During this period of time Dr. McCall helped me to understand a very valuable life lesson. I was having a problem receiving these gifts. I was proud. I did not want people to see our family as needy.

I never had a problem with being a giver because my parents raised me to be generous to other people. But, I had a serious problem with being a receiver. It was Dr. McCall who showed me how important it is to be a good receiver as well as a good giver. He explained to me that in order to be a Godly giver I needed to learn to be a Godly receiver and accept gifts from others because of the blessing that the gift would be to me as well as to them. That was a huge spiritual marker in my life.

Today I was talking on the phone with Dr. McCall. There was sadness in his voice as he explained to me how he is having to depend on so many people to help him now. His back is injured, and his knees are worn out, so his faithful wife, Vicky, and others are helping him. I reminded him that he would be 95 in a couple weeks so it's time for other people to wait on him! Then he told me how difficult it is for him to allow others to serve him. After 43 years the mentee becomes the mentor. I reminded him of how he helped me with a life lesson many years ago and how he showed me the necessity of being a good receiver of grace and kindness from others and giving the glory to God. The Scripture teaches us that it is more important to give than to receive. Yes! However, many of us would be better givers if we were better receivers of love and grace from our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Good deal

You know the old adage: We are not losing our daughter we are gaining a son?

Today is Allison’s wedding day. I really don't feel like I'm losing a daughter. I expect her to be around to help take care of me when I get too old to take care of myself. 

When Will came to ask me for Allison's hand in marriage I told him that I have been praying for him for years. I even showed Will a couple of entries in my journal over the past couple of years where I've specifically prayed that God would send the right man into Allison's life. So I told Will, "You are an answer to prayer!" 

That was in January, and I had just returned from a project in West Africa. I told Will that since our family lived in Burkina Faso for so many years that we still followed some of the customs of West Africa. I explained that it is customary that the prospective groom pays a dowry to the bride’s family. Will is a very quiet young man and he hides his emotions well because he kept a very straight face as I told him the following: “While I was in West Africa a couple weeks ago I gathered information on the current cost of a bride. I learned that the price of a very good wife was four camels.” Will maintained that stoic face.

After a few moments of silence I finally asked Will, "So what do you think about that?" Will responded, “Four camels? That might be difficult." I told him I knew it might be hard to find four really good camels here in Georgia so I would give him grace and allow him to give me four great bicycles. Will works in a bicycle shop and they don't sell those inexpensive bicycles. I couldn't believe it one day when Will showed me bicycles that sold for $5000. So I told him that I wanted four of those $5000 bicycles as a dowry for Allison. He did not blink. He maintained his composure trying to figure me out. But I had a good laugh, and then he joined me. Relief showed in his face.

Will is a very fine young man, and we are very happy to have him as part of our family. Cheryl and I are getting the good deal: we get to keep Allison and we add Will to our family.

Reflective

Last night Kelli and Jason and the girls arrived from Jordan for the wedding this weekend. They came in two shifts: Kelli and two girls arrived in Atlanta at 5pm and Jason and the other two arrived at 9pm. Kelli was trying to stay awake for the arrival of the rest of the family, so we were talking—mainly I was talking trying to keep her awake. She mentioned this blog, and I reminded her that it was her comments that encouraged me to continue to write.

While trying to keep her awake I blabbered on about the blog. I admitted to Kelli that I was more productive with writing while we were in Florida. Although I continued my work and kept up with the pace of work during those six weeks in Florida, there were fewer interruptions and just more time to think and reflect. Now I don’t do a good job of writing if I just sit down and say to myself, “What am I going to write about?” I get ideas during those reflective times when I am allowing my mind to objectively wander—that means I am not zoned out, but I am relaxing my mind and allowing thoughts to come out of my heart and soul.

Interestingly enough, events from the past or creative thoughts are not the only type things that come from this reflective thinking. That is also a grand time of worshipping God. The Lord inhabits the hidden creases of our soul. He helps us by cleansing that which is unclean. He brings joy from things that we have temporarily forgotten. He brings hope from experiences while walking with Him. He assures me of His everlasting love for me.

As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man. Proverbs 27:19 (ESV)

Blood brothers

I was in a meeting in South Carolina today with three friends all of whom are in their forties. The Lord has blessed me with several young friends who are engaged in business and who are seeking to walk with the Lord. As we concluded our meeting one of them said to me, “I love you, brother,” as we were hugging each other goodbye. There is a brotherly love that exists among men who walk with Jesus that sometimes goes deeper than blood brothers. That sounds strange—I remember as a boy when my friend and I would cut our hands and mix our blood so we could be blood brothers. That sounds savage but we learned it by watching Hopalong Cassidy on TV!

During our first term of service in West Africa we lived in Abidjan, Cote d’Ivoire (Ivory Coast). One of the things that I disliked the most about living in that city was that the police were notorious for stopping cars for no apparent reason at all. They would be standing on the side of the road and when they waved at you they expected you to stop the car immediately. So, one day I got waved down (not the only time). There were 5 young Ivorian men in the car with me. I was mad and they were afraid—not because we had done anything wrong, but because a person could be stopped by the police for no reason and the policeman would take their government-issued identity card and put it under his hat until the person paid him a bribe.

The young men in my car were all new believers who were doing a Bible study with me. As I started to exit the car to confront the policeman one of them said that they would be praying for me.

I walked back to the policeman on the side of the road behind my car, and he asked for my driver’s license. I carried an international license for occasions just like this (you could buy another international license if the original was lost). After he scolded me for driving too fast (strictly a judgment call since he had no speed-checking devices), he put my license under his cap and said that I would have to pay a “fine” to get my license back. I was a young green missionary, but I had made up my mind that I would never pay a bribe. I paused silently and remembered my colleagues in the car praying for this situation.

The officer had walked away as if to ignore me, but I chased after him and told him (we are speaking French), “My brothers in the car are praying for you and me right now.” He turned and looked at my car and said that those men in the car could not be my brothers because they were Ivoirians. I said, “Pardon me, but they are indeed my brothers.” He said they could not be my blood brothers, and my reply was that we were blood brothers because of the blood of Jesus. He shocked me by responding, “That blood runs deeper than the same mother and same father,” and he gave me my license and said, “You are a good man who calls an African his blood brother.”

I returned to the car and my blood brothers were not shocked at what happened because they had been praying that the Lord would intervene in the heart of the policeman. They were faithful brothers who believed in the power of prayer and brotherhood.

“Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!” Psalm 133:1 ESV

I, my, me and mine

We don’t have to be taught how to use the words “I, my, me and mine.” Have you ever thought of that? How many times have you seen a parent trying to teach their child these words? As parents and grandparents we drill our kids over and over to teach them fundamentals of our language. How many times do you have to say “thank you” before they finally catch on to the meaning. Those first person singular pronouns just come naturally.

I was talking with one of the graduates of IMPACT 360 yesterday. He has finished college and is now working with another of our worldview programs, Propel My Life. He told me that he learned something from his dad who learned something from me. I certainly had no idea of what he was talking about, but he refreshed my memory. A few years ago Cheryl and I were with his mom and dad at a MLB game, and in our conversation his dad was talking about his ministry and was saying “my program” and “my staff,” and I interrupted him and said that those were not his programs, but they belonged to many other people also. I told him that he should be saying “our program” and “our staff.”

Thinking about it now, it was rather rude that I said that. But now that I know it helped my friend I am happy I did it. Now my friend is reminding his children of the same principle: use we, our, and us more often than the first person personal pronouns.

A pet peeve of mine is to hear people referring to their work or ministry as if that person was the only one involved in the effort. Have you ever heard your pastor say “my deacons” or “my Minister of Music?” Have you ever heard your supervisor at work say “my staff” or “I did so-and-so” when you know that it took the whole team to get it done?

Many skills and talents we can master during our lifetime, but working on not promoting me is one that I will work on until my last breath.

To help me, I am regularly challenged by my favorite Bible verse:  ”He must increase and I must decrease.” John 3:30. Plain enuff!

Dreams

Friday night was opening night for the Rome Little Theater production of “The Sound of Music.” For a small town like Rome, Georgia, our Little Theater does a great job with their productions. I am a little prejudiced as Allison played the role of Maria—of course she was the best in the show.

Allison has her coffee shop to run and a wedding to plan, but she chose to try out for the Sound of Music knowing the productions would be a couple weeks before her wedding. Why? Not just to be in the theater as she is a regular performer in the troupe here in Rome. A lifelong dream of hers has been to be Maria in a musical production of “The Sound of Music.” When we were living in West Africa and Cheryl would crank up the generator to wash clothes, Allison begged to turn on the VHS and watch “The Sound of Music” tape. We have worn out several video tapes and DVDs through the years as the grandchildren are now hooked on it also.

Whether it’s a child dreaming about what she wants to be when she grows up or an adult who is dreaming about achieving something spectacular or a villager dreaming about being able to purchase something that is not possible in his economic status, dreams are important. There is an anonymous quote that says, “A civilization is as great as its dreams.”

When we were living in Clinton, Mississippi, and I was working at Mississippi College some friends asked if they could come by for a visit. It turned out that their intention was not to visit and have fun with us, but to convince us to sell Amway. Now they definitely did not come to the point quickly. They had been trained to make their pitch first and then come in with a great solution for us.

Here’s the way they worked. They asked us to write down five things that we had been dreaming about purchasing, but that had not been possible because of our financial limitations. Now first off, these friends did not know us very well. I think they only saw us as potential clients for their pyramid. If they had known us well they would have known that we had only recently arrived from 11 years of living in the bush of West Africa where we used a kerosene refrigerator, raised our own vegetables and fruits and bought most of our meat from the back of a bicycle of a villager who had just slaughtered a cow, pig, or goat. Luxury to us was a visit to the capital city of Ouagadougou every four to six weeks where we would stay in the air conditioned guest house and go swimming in the American Club pool.

The problem was that Cheryl and I could not list any “dreams” as our friends described. So, they started teasing us asking, “How would you like to have house on the lake?” “How about a ski boat or a recreational vehicle?” We were not really interested in a bigger house or a second house or a big boat. Then they started playing on our conscience: “Don’t you want your children to go to the finest colleges and to have big weddings?” That did not work either, so they wrote down some “things” that they thought every American family would dream about having one day. That helped them to complete their pitch and try to get us on board.

Cheryl and I have not been much on dreaming about buying things. It is not because we are so different or so much better than anyone else. We are SO human and SUCH sinners, but our DNA has just been to walk with the Lord as best we can and wait on Him. When a need arose, He provided according to His will. Sounds simple, but it is profound and has been a part of the foundation of our lives together for the past 43 years.  

“The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.” Lamentations 3:25 (ESV)

Therapy

When I had my meniscus repaired last summer I had to go to physical therapy after the surgery. One day we were with friends and we were making some plans and I said that I would not be available at that time because I had to go to therapy. Cheryl was surprised at my remark—why I don’t really know because she knows me so well. She quickly corrected me and said that I had to go to physical therapy. I guess she did not want our friends to think that I was going for mental therapy. I kind of like to leave people in suspense every now and then.

We all have different activities that we consider our therapy—I am talking about the type that helps us cope with stress and emotional fatigue. I hear of a lot of my men friends talking about how golf or tennis is their therapy—I am sure that works for many women also. Fishing, biking, jogging, canoeing, kayaking, and hunting are stress-relieving activities for many men and women.

 In different seasons of my life I have enjoyed some of these activities and considered them fun and relaxing. However, in my present season hobby farming is my therapy. I like playing in the dirt and taking care of farm animals. Fact is I have enjoyed doing these things all of my life, but in some places we have lived in the world I have not been able to pursue my avocation.

Last week my dad sent me some pea seed. Yes, we have pea seed in northwest Georgia, but I only plant a special pea seed—Mississippi pinkeye purple hull peas. That is the same pea that I cut my first teeth on while growing up in and around Greenwood, Mississippi. Cheryl and I planted our garden before we went to Jacksonville, and a friend has been tending to the garden during our absence. The deer ate my peas while we were gone. I am thinking about having some deer jerky this winter. It has been very dry since we have returned from Florida; finally, we had some rain last night. I had a great therapy session late this afternoon planting my peas.

I thank God regularly for giving us a small plot of land so I don’t have to leave home to get my therapy. This time of year when I leave work I don’t mind telling my colleagues that I am going for therapy. They know me and understand that I am headed to the garden. I praise the Lord for letting me be a steward of His resources.

Things

Cheryl and I were in Louisville on Friday and Saturday. We have not buried Rolfe because his estranged adopted daughter has not been located yet. According to Kentucky law the next of kin must be notified before the body can be buried. His daughter left home when she was a teenager, and Rolfe has not had a relationship with her for many years. Rolfe’s wife passed away in 1992 after a long battle with MS. So, we couldn’t do much to begin settling his estate, but we packed his clothes, books and sermons to give away.

He had already given away many of his “things,” but there was still much to do. For the past 10 years he has been giving his books to young pastors who he has been mentoring. He was very specific in telling me who he wanted to get all his sermon notes. But, Rolfe had a basement—and it had a lot of things that we will eventually have to get rid of.

Going through Rolfe’s possessions was strange. He was a very private person. He told me he wanted a closed casket because he did not want people “gawking” at his body! I almost feel that I am betraying Rolfe by going through all his affairs, but such is the business of death.
I confess that I could be a packrat. I work hard not to keep things just to keep them, but I know that I have kept things “in case we need them” over the years. When we returned to the states from West Africa in 1987, all our earthly possessions were in such bad shape that we only brought a small crate back to the states with a few personal things. We arrived at my parents’ house first, and my mom washed a few loads of clothes for us and hung them out on the clothesline to dry. When she brought them in from drying she dumped them on the bed and called Cheryl and me into the room. She said, “We need to throw all your underwear away because they are all dingy.” We had not noticed that since we did not have any white clothes to compare them to. So, we wound up throwing away most of the things that we brought back to the states.

Most of us do not get an opportunity to clean out all the things in our lives, and we continue to accumulate all those treasures that we hope to use one day. I have become one of those people in the years since we returned to the states. Having things is not bad, but if those things get in the way of serving the Lord, then they are all evil. If those things keep us from loving one another then they are corrupt. If those things become the object of our adoration then that is blasphemy. Colossians 3:2 is clear to me: “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.”

I have never seen a U-Haul trailer behind a hearse.  

Decisions

I have been doing a self-debate in my mind. OK, so what is that Cox? You know, where you can’t decide whether to do something, and you go back and forth in your thoughts until you do something. Yes, I wrote down properly what I meant—do something. Whenever we are trying to make a decision, sometimes we think we just won’t do anything with that decision. But the truth is that we make a decision anyhow—we decide not to decide. In coming to the conclusion that we will not make a decision, we have made a decision. Not to decide is to decide.

I usually make quick decisions. That can be an asset and it can also be a liability. Sometimes I might make a decision when I don’t have enough details to make the best decision. In other cases a quick decision is needed to mitigate a situation. Working with committees, work groups and task force groups, it is difficult to move forward sometimes when the leader wants everybody to be happy before making any decisions. If everybody has to be happy before a decision is made, then why have a committee to work through the decision?

I fault by thinking that I can make a quick decision and if it is not a good one, then I will have an opportunity to make another decision right away. The problem I have with those types of quick decisions is that sometimes it hurts relationships when I make a decision and don’t weigh enough of the possible consequences. So, you see I am still an “in-production” model when it comes to making decisions. The good Lord willing I will continue to make quick decisions when necessary, but use caution to gather more information before making a decision on those that could hurt relationships.

About that self-debate…it’s about whether to continue to write on the blog. I don’t really know how many people are reading it, but is it really important how many people are reading the blog (I have enough self-confidence without keeping score on the numbers) or that that someone is getting something of value by reading my thoughts.

Last treatment--home

On Monday morning I had my last treatment for prostate cancer--#28. It was uneventful, but saying goodbye to new friends was hard. Cheryl and I have become good friends with some of the other couples going through the treatment, and needless to say, the therapists and I really become well acquainted. We had loaded the car on Sunday afternoon, so after our goodbyes, we drove home on Monday—about 7 ½ hours of driving.

It was so good to get home. When you are away for six weeks, there are a lot of physical changes in the landscape, so we soaked up the beautiful views from our home and began to unpack the car and get settled into our home. There is nothing like being at home. Often people ask me where is my favorite place in the world to go, and I disappoint them by saying, “Home!”

Within an hour of arriving home, we received a phone call. Rolfe Dorsey went home—to his eternal home with the Lord. The timing of his death is so interesting, but not surprising to me. One of Rolfe’s huge concerns with his impending death was that his dying would upset my cancer treatments. He made me promise him that when he died that I would not miss one of my treatments to accommodate his funeral services. He told me to put him on ice and wait until it was convenient to bury him. He got his wishes. He has been holding on for the past three days, and once we were home he went home to meet Jesus.

When Allison was about six years old, we were renting a house in Mississippi. Cheryl was trying to explain that the house did not belong to us and that we were renting it, and finally Allison looked like she understood and said, “You mean it is their house, but our home.” She got it, and we have it—our house that we call home is only temporary. Our eternal home is with God.

Privileges

Rolfe Dorsey continues his battle with esophageal cancer in a nursing care facility in Louisville. Over the years he has developed a very close relationship with his internist. Cheryl and I had dinner with his physician while we were in Louisville last weekend. He is a gentle giant of a man who loves the Lord and has much compassion. I have several physician friends and I could equally describe them as very compassionate—maybe it has something to do with their walk with the Lord.

Physicians don’t give their home or cell phone numbers to patients, and I perfectly understand why. All of us have had the experience of calling our physician’s office and not being able to talk to a live person—“leave your phone number and we will get back with you before the end of the business day if you call before 4:00 pm.” Rolfe’s internist gave us his cell phone number.

An accountant in the internist’s office is a neighbor of Rolfe’s, and she and her husband love Rolfe dearly. They have been taking him prepared food for years, mowing his grass, and watching out for him. Now she goes to check on Rolfe every day after she gets off work. She calls me and gives me a first-hand report of his condition. Another friend of Rolfe’s goes by every morning to check on him. I can call his duty nurse any time to check on him. His internist calls me anytime he changes his medications. So, I haven’t needed to use that cell phone number. It is reassuring to know that I have that number, but I don’t want to abuse the privilege that he has entrusted to me.

A privilege is a license. A license is an authorization. An authorization is permission. The physician has given me permission to call him at any time. Today I am thinking about all the privileges that I have in life, but the greatest one I have is the one that I take for granted more than any other: “Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence.” Ephesians 3:12 New Living Translation

Results

Almost finished! Yesterday I had my exit visit with my nurse and radiation oncologist. My next to last treatment was this morning, and then I went for some final blood work after my treatment. The results of the blood work will be the first measurement that we have received indicating the effectiveness of the proton treatment. The results will indicate how much my PSA has dropped. If you have been reading these blogs you will recall that my PSA was only 2.8 which is well within the normal range of 0-4.  A low PSA does not necessarily indicate an absence of cancer.  It is much more important to monitor how much it elevates from one year to the next.  Am I anxious about the results? Not really, but like most people I am interested in results. We focus a lot of our lives on results: business, school, church, sports, stocks, politics, etc.

Have you ever had any testing to determine if you are results-oriented or relations-oriented? Sure, you can be both, but researchers tell us that everyone—that covers a lot of people—leans towards one or the other. In teaching the SERVE principles that drive our Chick-fil-A business model, the hardest principle for most of us to convey overseas is the “V”—Value results and relationships. Business people in any culture understand the principle of getting results out of their enterprise. One does not have to spend much time helping them understand this principle. A lot of business people are like me—results-oriented.

I have a colleague at the foundation whose calling is to be relational and help couples have healthy marriages. He often reminds me that I am too results-oriented. I need reminders to work on being more relational. Our international team recently read a book entitled “Leadership and Self-Deception,” and it made me feel very uncomfortable because I recognized that I am often operating from inside the box (you will have to read the book to understand completely). You don’t have to read the book for this big lesson for me: Don’t worry about whether others are helping me. Do worry about whether I am helping others.

“If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.” Gal.6:3 New Living Translation

Joy

For many years joy has been one of my favorite words. We gave the name “Joy” to our youngest child. When I was younger I only associated the word joy with my emotions, not with any spiritual meaning. The older I get, the more important the word has become to me.

When one of my colleagues working in one of our foundations was undergoing treatment for breast cancer I challenged her to find joy during her devastating treatments no matter how difficult the circumstance. Every time I have received a report on her treatment or her condition she always ends the text or email with something about joy. Since we have been in Florida for treatment she has sent me encouraging communication—always mentioning joy. She, along with countless others, has been such an encouragement to me during these treatments.

While I was studying the tribal language in Burkina Faso I discovered that there was no word for joy. I was so hurt because I thought to myself, how do they express their deep feelings of God’s abundant love for them which makes our hearts overflow with joy. Later I understood that they know very well how to show the deep feelings of their hearts full of Christ’s love and grace. They use two words: “suri noogo” which means happy heart. I learned from these very simple people that when you have a happy heart, other people know it because the face is a mirror of the heart. They said to me very simply: “You know a person has a happy heart if their face looks happy.”

Wow! What a lesson. This was one of those moments when I stopped and thought to myself: I came to help point these people to Jesus and I have been so blessed that they are pointing me to walk closer to Him.

What do people see when they see my face? Lord may my heart be filled with joy so that others may see Jesus in me.