One potato, two...

After a year of language study in Tours, France, Cheryl and the boys and I were anxious to move to our assignment in Abidjan, Ivory Coast. We had to vacate our apartment in Tours as another family was arriving to begin studying French. They had to move in on a certain date in order to have time to begin the new semester of language school. However, our house in Abidjan would not be available for us to move into until two weeks after the departure date from France.

We decided that since we had to depart France and could not arrive in Abidjan that we would spend the two weeks of waiting with our friends in Lomé, Togo. Rex and Sherry Holt’s year in French language studies had overlapped with our first six months, and this couple had become very dear to our family.

Our time in Lomé was so refreshing as it was our introduction to the continent of Africa, and it was spent with good friends. Plus, we were able to meet some new friends who have been significant in our lives to this day.

One night our family and the Holts were having dinner with Bill and Evelyn Bullington and their two sons, Kirk and Bryan. Evelyn had prepared a great meal, but to this day, no one remembers what we had except for the baked potatoes.

Something I understood early on living overseas is that you do not learn everything by mastering the language and culture alone. I do not mean to minimize the importance of language acquisition and cultural understanding, but there are other important things to learn—like when your host in West Africa serves you baked potatoes, you are a special guest. Potatoes are not a staple in West Africa, so the only potatoes grown are usually sold to westerners. They are small potatoes, but they cost big bucks.

Evelyn served everyone a baked potato along with what I am sure was a delicious meal. My potato looked delicious, but when I cut into it I discovered that it was bad. I did not say anything, but Evelyn being the great hostess that she is asked if my potato was ok. I had just become acquainted with these wonderful folks, so I could not say to her that it was fine.

She quickly removed the potato from my plate and served me another one. I cut into the second potato, and I was really embarrassed—it also was bad. Then I cut into the third potato, and I could not believe it. The third potato was also unpleasant. Now the irony of this situation is that I was the only person at the table set for 10 people that received a bad potato.

Evelyn told us that she had cooked extra potatoes because they were so small, but she had no idea that she was cooking extra spuds for me. I recall making a comment something like this, “That’s ok, Evelyn, it is not your fault because it looks like I attract bad potatoes.”

I was talking with a friend today about this—not the potatoes, but the attraction. It seems that when we are doing our best in following the Lord that the devil seems most attracted to us, and he works the hardest to distract us from our loved ones and tries to draw our attention to something else that is trivial, off color, unprincipled or maybe even immoral. Satan wants to get in the middle of what is right and sow seeds of doubt, despair, doom or maybe even seeds of temptation.

Our job is to stay focused on Jesus who will pilot us through these challenging times when we doubt our ability to stay the course. “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” I Corinthians 10:13.

Scans update

I had a CT contrast scan and PET scans of my head and body on June 29 at Emory, and I had an appointment with my radiation oncologist yesterday at Emory. His very first words upon arriving in my exam room: “I have an encouraging report for you today.”

With the help of research on the web, I have read the scan reports a few times, and here is my layman’s summary: No evidence of recurrent disease in the primary site (sub-mandibular salivary gland). No abnormal lymph nodes in the neck. No suspicious lung nodules. In the brain, spine, and digestive tract there are no aggressive lesions suspicious for metastatic involvement.

We are grateful to the Lord for this good report. So many of you have been such an encouragement to me and my family during the past nine plus months. What a blessing to have our common bond through Jesus Christ. Thank you!

Red and yellow, black and white

When it comes to discussing the facts about a situation, I have consistently been a black and white person. I don’t like for people to speak to me in grays, but I want the facts given to me straightforward. I have worked with people who talk around a problem, and I finally have said to them, “Just get to the point please.” I realize that I have probably hurt some colleagues’ feelings in the past by not letting them fully express themselves, but my nature is to be a problem solver, so once we know the problem, let’s get on with fixing it—not continuing to talk around the problem.

When it comes to morality and ethical issues, I have also thought of myself as a black and white person. When it comes to opinions about food, I don’t remember saying “I kinda like this.” I either like it or I do not like it. I realize that using the expression “black and white” is used by some to criticize people like me who they think are judging or showing complex situations in a simple way. I know that you cannot see everything in the world in black and white, but I just like the unambiguous.

The words black and white have dominated the media headlines for the past six weeks. Whenever a news release is written it usually identifies the skin color of those involved.

An Australian friend called me recently. He was proud of the way that Australian authorities had contained COVID-19 outbreaks in Australia, resulting in a low number of cases in the country. He also asked me about the social injustice turmoil in the USA and mentioned that what was going on in the USA was also affecting public sentiment for the historical treatment of the Aborigines in Australia.

He made a statement that has been bothering me since our FaceTime visit. He said something like this: “As long as America media talks about blacks did this and a white person did this or the suspect is an Hispanic male, then there will be more and more problems in the USA. Why do you have to distinguish people by the color of their skin? All of them are Americans, so stop identifying black, brown, or white people in your media reports.”

Since he talked to me about this, I have been monitoring the news more closely, and you know what? My Australian friend is right! The media does not have to report every incident by naming the color of the skin of the accused or the victim. I know that information like this is helpful to law enforcement in trying to apprehend the assailant, but it is not necessary for me to know the skin color. As I think about this I realize that I have to think about terms that I use to describe something to someone else. Am I modeling what I want the news media to do?

When I was in the beginner department of Sunday School, I learned a song that I often sing over and over in my head. “Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world.”

The words are a good reminder that Jesus does not focus on the color of our skin, and He loves everyone as much as He loves me.

Pocket calls

Everyone has made a few accidental phone calls from their pocket, purse or backpack or sometimes just by handling the phone. These calls are sometimes referred to as “butt calls.” According to the Urban Dictionary, a butt call is defined as an unintended cell phone call made by sitting on the speed dial buttons. I have never carried my cell phone in my back pocket, so I have never made a “butt call.” However, I have made my share of accidental calls.

We all know that those cell phones have a mind of their own, so there are many ways that an accidental call may be placed.

While leading leadership training conferences in Vietnam a few years ago, two colleagues and I decided to explore tunnels used by the Viet Cong during the Vietnam War. The government of Vietnam has preserved a 75-mile-long complex of tunnels at Cu Chi and turned them into a war memorial. Two different sections of tunnels are a popular tourist attraction, and visitors pay a small fee to crawl around in the tunnels. The first thing you discover is that Vietnamese people are very small! It was a fascinating experience, but it was difficult to move around in the tunnels.

When I finally exited the underground maze, I noticed that my phone was warm. I removed it from my front pocket to discover that I had made 12 phone calls while underground! One of them was to Her Royal Highness Crown Princess Katerine of Serbia and Montenegro! And, yes, she was in my contacts as I had previously met her and visited with her at an event in DC. However, I am most certain that she did not answer my call.

One of my mentors was Avery Willis. In the early 2000s we both served as VPs in the home office of the IMB, and frequently we traveled together. He carried his Blackberry in his back pocket, and often he would accidentally dial my number while we were attending the same meeting or event. I would quietly come alongside him and tell him that he just called me. Avery would quickly respond, “No, I did not!”

How many times have you received a call and you answered but you knew that it was an accidental call? You could hear commotion going on and you knew that person did not know that she or he was connected to you. I am sure that you are not one of those people who stay on the line secretly listening to hear what is going on.

We are so wed to our mobile devices today. The Lord continues to communicate with us in ageless manners, but I am afraid that we are more in tune with them than we are with our Heavenly Father.

God continues to speak to us through other people. We give our uninterrupted attention to our favorite preacher podcast or Bible teacher, but how many of us are guilty of not listening well to the people closest to us—family and close friends. God speaks to us through our family and friends. We don’t always want to hear truth spoken into our lives by a family member or a friend. Proverbs 27:6 says, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted.”

I am reading now from Joshua and it is much easier to hear the Lord saying something to me than when I was reading Numbers. We know that “the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” God speaks to us through His Word.

God speaks to us in times of stress, doubt, death, illness and other calamities, but have you ever felt God speaking to you just because you did not have a peace about a decision, a trip or an expenditure? God still speaks to us in that still small voice—that one that Bluetooth does not recognize!

Pajamas on the plane

My brother recently had some major surgery on his abdomen, and we were laughing on the phone today about how he cannot button his pants because of pressure causing pain on his incision. He said the most comfortable things he can wear are overalls or pajamas—neither of which is appropriate for returning to work.

I shared with him the following story about appropriate apparel.

It was December, and I was at work in my office in Richmond when I had acute severe pains in my lower abdomen. St. Mary’s Hospital was near my office, so I went to their emergency room for some relief. It was not long before my suspicions became reality, and the doctor told me that the diagnosis was appendicitis.

Cheryl, Allison and I had tickets to fly to France and the UK in six days. Jason and his family lived in France and Jeremy and his family lived in the UK. Our sixth grandchild, Darby, was born in September of that year, and I had not seen her yet. I was determined not to miss this visit with our kids and grandkids.

The surgeon told me that I needed an immediate appendectomy, and I was devastated. I told the surgeon my situation, but that did not change the urgency of the situation. She performed the surgery that afternoon, and the next morning I talked with the doctor and asked about taking our trip in five days. I told her that I was going to see a grandchild who was three months old and I had never seen her and asked her if I would be OK to make the trip.

Her response was that as my doctor she would not advise me to go so soon after the surgery, but she added, “If I were you, I would go.” That was all I needed to hear. However, she added comments about how to take care of myself on the trip. She also threw in a comment that I was not going to be able to wear my pants or anything tight fitting around my waist for several days.

Amanda went shopping for me and bought me a pair of cotton pajama pants with a drawstring. They were comfortable, so I was set to go. But Cheryl and Allison said they would be embarrassed to be seen in the airport or in planes with me wearing my pajamas. It was not going to bother me as I was going to see grandkids.

I had a doctor’s letter to request special attention during the flights, and when we arrived at the airport an electric cart was there to take me to our gate. At that point Allison and Cheryl decided that it was not so bad to travel with me and my pajama bottom.

Was I uncomfortable on the flights? Absolutely, but the discomfort was overcome by joy when we arrived in London and were greeted by Jeremy, Kimberly, Shelby and baby Darby. I said a prayer thanking the Lord for a surgeon who had empathy about her patient’s life outside the medical facilities and gave me two sets of advice.

Health update

I finished the last of my 33 proton therapy treatments on March 20 just as the COVID-19 crisis got underway. This past Wednesday I did something that I have not done since I walked out of Emory’s Proton Therapy Center in Atlanta on March 20—I went into another building other than our home.

I had my first visit with my surgeon since January. We talked about some minor post-surgery and post treatment issues, but as expected, he affirmed that the next steps would depend on the PET scans of my head and body on June 29 at Emory. I have an appointment with my radiation oncologist on July 8.

A friend recently asked me if I was worried about the results of the scans. My immediate reaction was “no.” I feel like I owe it to my dad, Pete, not to worry because for the past several decades of his life I chastised him for worrying about everything.

However, there is a much more important reason that I am not worried. Before my first surgery, the Lord led me to claim Joshua 1:9, and since that time I have had such a peace about where I am during this season of my life. Even not being able to get hugs from family and friends for the past 12 weeks has not discouraged me. I am basically restless and need to be busy all the time, but the Lord has given me a calmness and a content feeling that I can only attribute to Him.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Imperfect man

The whole world has rightly been upset over the past few weeks about the racial injustice that has taken place in our country. The images and news reports that come into our homes are absolutely terrible and remind us that there is much more work to be done to ensure that there is not even a hint of racial inequity in the distribution of justice in our country. 

I fully support and appreciate the law enforcement officers who risk their lives to protect me and my family. I salute them and respect them. However, some law enforcement officers have misused their authority and brought unnecessary harm on the people they have been called to protect. That grieves all of us.

Recently in a conversation with a friend he asked me how I felt about what is going on. While I was responding to him, I realized that I have not done all that I could do to be part of the resolution to this toxic situation. After hanging up the phone I reached out by text to a couple of my black friends to express my sorrow over what is happening.

One of them telephoned me instead of texting me. He talked about how he is dealing with this with his children. I told my friend that I just don’t ever think about me being white and him being black; I just love him as a brother. He reminded me that in a perfect world there would not be any racial discrimination and injustice, and he followed that with this statement: “Man’s imperfection drives him to impulsively choose evil over good.”

His statement reminded me that several years ago I took my dad out west. He told me once that he had never seen the Rocky Mountains, and that before he died, he would like to go out west and see the Rockies. While we were traveling, he read me a headline in the Denver Post: “Imperfect Man, Imperfect Storm.” I don’t remember what the story was about, but I remember my dad, Pete’s, comment: “There is no perfect storm. The only thing perfect is God!”

Pete’s words are true, but that does not mean that we should not strive to be more like God every day as we walk with Him. God is in the process of perfecting me. I fail Him every day, and He forgives me every day. I can only be perfected when I am in heaven kneeling before Him praising His name forever. But I can do my best now in this place to live a life that is pleasing to Him and that honors my fellow man and that treats each person with dignity, honor and respect regardless of their color or beliefs.

I can do better. I will do better.

“Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.” Philippians 3:12 NKJV

Wants and needs

How many times have you heard someone say “I need this or that.” It is so interesting how many times we use the verb ”need” in place of “want.” We have become accustomed to using the two words interchangeably.

A need is something that is required for a person to live a healthy life. It is something that you have to have.

A want is something that a person desires, either immediately or in the future. Unlike needs, wants differ from one person to another. A want is something which is good to have, but not essential for survival.

Each person has their own list of wants—each with a varying level of importance. Wants can change over a period of time. Needs remain constant throughout the lifetime of the person.

Throughout time the three basic needs of mankind have been food, clothing and shelter, but more recently in the history of the world, education and healthcare have also become integral, as they improve the quality of life. Determining needs can be subjective because a person could say that eating an expensive meal at a five star restaurant would fall into the need column, and another person would classify high end clothes as a need.

Cheryl was making out a grocery list online for pickup at a local supermarket. I was reminded that sometimes when she is making out a grocery list, she will ask me, “Is there anything that you need from the grocery store?” Other times she will ask me “Is there anything that you want from the grocery store?” My response is usually not based on whether or not I “need” an item, but rather on something that pops into my mind. I may respond by saying that I need some Drumstick ice cream cones, but those are definitely one of my “wants.” Of course one could argue that they are essential since they contain dairy products and a minuscule of fiber in the sugar cones. The point is that we often work our wants into our needs.

Our granddaughter, Libby, just graduated from kindergarten with an online program. Libby recently had a school assignment about wants and needs. Here is the list that she composed:

I am so proud of Libby because as her worldview is forming in her mind and heart, she already has a better grasp of “needs” and “wants” than most adults. (By the way, the “mats” are the ones used for tumbling exercises.)

Philippians 4 (NIV):

11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Wonderfully made

Looking back on this COVID-19 crisis, we will have lots of memories about the things that we did that were uncommon before the crisis I know some of you have taken up gardening for the first time because my kids have been unable to find the garden seeds that I usually buy. And more of you must be cooking because we are shorted several things on every online grocery order. 

All of us will remember what TV programs we binged on. Cheryl and I don’t watch a lot of TV, but we have been watching “Blue Bloods” and “Call the Midwife.” One of our kids suggested “Call the Midwife,” and we have been regularly watching it during the sheltering in place. However, as Allison’s time of giving birth to her fourth child and our sixteenth grandchild approached, we stopped watching it. Too many unusual and crazy things happen on the TV program, so we just decided not to watch it until after the birth. 

The producers of the program worked hard to make it as realistic as possible while keeping the show as decent as possible. Living in West Africa we witnessed childbirth very close up from time to time. There were no hospitals or maternity clinics near us out in the bush, so women had their babies in their villages. There was no midwife to call, so a mother-to-be depended on expertise nearby. Some pregnant mothers came to us and asked us to take them to a small clinic nearby that was manned by the equivalent of a nurse’s aide.

Once a young woman came to us moaning and said she was going to have a baby. Cheryl and I loaded her in our vehicle and headed to that little clinic about 20 minutes from our house. We did not make it. We caught her baby in my bandana—that was the only thing in the Land Cruiser that was “clean.” Baby and Mom did well and both survived our intervention. 

Amanda was born in a clinic with a midwife in Abidjan, Ivory Coast. I was right bedside her “supervising” the midwife, and I was the one to loudly announce, “C’est une fille!” “It’s a girl!” 

Cheryl and I have managed to either be present when a grandchild was born or be there within 24 hours of all but four of our grandchildren. That may not sound like a great feat, but we have had grandkids born in three other countries. 

Our sixteenth grandchild, Noa Edith Dolbeer, was born recently only 2 1/2 hours from our home, and we were not able to be there. That stinks! But it is not the fault of anyone else but me. For a few more weeks I am having to stay away from other people. Thank goodness for FaceTime! We have had regular visits, and she already responds to my voice—OK, so maybe she just had gas or the hiccups. Noa is such a perfect baby.  Of course, I know that she is not perfect, no human is perfect, but right now I long to give her a gentle squeeze and snuggles. 

But Noa is wonderfully made as a creation of God. We are grateful for all of our children and grandchildren for they are each such a special gift from God. 

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”  - Psalm 139:14

Touch

My flight from Calcutta to London was delayed 18 hours, and I had a lot of time on my hands. I had just finished reading the book that I had brought with me on this trip to India. This was during the flip phone era 18 years ago, so I did not have devices to work on or provide entertainment. There was no airport Wifi or any internet connection at all. What I needed was another book.

After finding a small book store in the departure section of the airport, I browsed the window display for books in English. My eyes fell on a book entitled “The 5 Love Languages.” I had heard some people talking about this book, but I had never read it. 

I settled down into a “comfortable” chair in the airport waiting area and read that book in one sitting. It was an amazing read! I only wished that I had read it years before this stage of my life. I was so excited about this book that I sought out the airport post office to place a telephone call to Cheryl back in the USA and tell her about this book. I asked her on the phone to order a copy of this book for each of our four children.

The biggest discovery for me in reading this book was to learn that my love language is touch. If you had given me a list of the five love languages I probably would have guessed touch, but now it was validated: God gave me the love language of touch. 

I like to shake hands, to pat people on the back, to give hugs, and to put my arm around someone or hold their hand when praying for them. Of course, in the workplace I have always had to be careful about expressing my love language. I dislike those side winder hugs from people. I give big hugs!

Cheryl and I are blessed to have 16 grandchildren—newest arrived Friday night (more on that later)—and they all give great hugs. Even our 19 year old grandson, Collin, gives us hugs every time we see him, no matter where we are or who is looking on. I single him out because we only have three grandsons and he is the oldest. I love scratching the backs of any of my grandchildren who enjoy have their backs scratched. I love touching my grandchildren.

And that brings me to today. I have not been able to hug our grandkids for the past nine weeks. The last hugs would have been from our local kids and grandkids at church and in our home for Sunday lunch. The last time anybody but Cheryl has touched me was my last proton therapy treatment on March 20. My treatments compromised my immune system, and my radiation oncologist told me not to have contact with anyone during the healing process.

No touch with any other person other than the main squeeze in my life (Cheryl) in 8 weeks. Now I have had a lot of virtual hugs either via media or when the kids come for a driveway visit where we sit 12 feet apart and talk. 

For two weeks Shelby, our 18 year old granddaughter, lived in the lower level of our home in self-isolation so she could go to Allison’s home to take care of their children while they went to the hospital to have their fourth child. There is a small kitchen and plenty of space on the lower level, and it has a separate entrance, so Shelby would go for a walk each day and did not have to come through the upper floors. 

Shelby was self-isolating so that she would not be infected with anything before going to Allison’s, so she left a week ago without being able to give us a single hug.

Now we are blessed to have Abbey (20) and Madelyn (18) living in the lower level. After riding out the pandemic with friends in Kentucky, they are staying downstairs away from us for two weeks so that they can actually be in close contact with us. 

Today we had a FaceTime visit to meet our newest grandchild—Noa Edith Dolbeer, born Friday night in Nashville. It was a great visit, and Noa cooperated well and even looked right into the phone. We heard her cry as she became hungry, we saw her take a bottle, and saw her burp on Will’s shoulder, but we could not touch this newborn gift. I hurt. I want so badly to cuddle with Noa and establish a lifetime bond between Papa and Noa. But this bizarre time in which we live does not permit me to touch her. I can’t use my love language.

With God’s grace, I know in time I will be able to once again give hugs, but it is hard during this season. Seasons come and seasons go. Some are short and some are long. Some are good and some are not so good. I have said that hundreds of times when giving counsel to others. But right now I need to reassure myself that this will be a short season, and I will be able to express my love language once again. 

The word touch is used many times in the Bible. Here are a few instances that l like:

Then Isaac said to Jacob, "Please come near, that I may touch you, my son, to know whether you are really my son Esau or not." - Genesis 27:21

And all the crowd sought to touch him, for power came out from him and healed them all. - Luke 6:19

See my hands and my feet, that it is I myself. Touch me, and see. For a spirit does not have flesh and bones as you see that I have." - Luke 24:39

P.S.

A few years after the Calcutta airport story I became friends with Gary Chapman and told him this story. He did not know that his book had even been published in India, so it must have been published without permission from his publisher. So, looks like I learned about the 5 love languages from an illegal copy of the book. That did not hurt the blessing that I received from reading it. Thank you, Gary Chapman! 

Holy Spear

From time to time someone tells me that they remember things from when they were as young as 3 years old. I have heard that the older you get the more you remember things of the ancient past and forget the most frequent things. I admit that I have arrived at that time of life, but I still only remember a couple things from the age of three. I can remember lots of happenings and friendships from age 4 and 5, but not  at age three.

When I was four years old, my friend, Theron, lived in the house behind ours, and our backyards joined. He liked to come play in our yard because we had a swing set with two swings—no, none of that fancy other stuff that you find on today’s swing sets. My mother would mix up cocoa and sugar in a small tin and cut two small twigs for us. We would chew on the twig until the end was frayed, and then we would dip them in the cocoa/sugar mix. That was our way of “dipping snuff.”

Now before you think that my mother was promoting the use of tobacco for preschoolers, remember that this was the 1950s and the use of tobacco products was not taboo. Candy was something that we got for special occasions like Christmas and Easter, so cocoa and sugar was a real treat. 

Another fond memory from my fourth year was my mother kneeling beside my bed each night and reciting a prayer with me: 

Now I lay me down to sleep.

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

If I should die before I wake, 

I pray the Lord my soul to take. 

I talked to my mother this week about that prayer, and she told me that was the prayer that her mother had said with her when she was a little girl. 

I remember being afraid some nights after going to bed. When I called my mother she would come and sit on my bed beside me and comfort me. Sometimes she would remind me that the Holy Spirit was right beside me all night long protecting me. For the longest time, I thought she was saying “Holy Spear!” So, I was terrified even more to know that there was a spear right by my bedside.  

When I was leading missionaries as they opened up new work in Eastern Europe, Cheryl and I had the pleasure of traveling for several weeks with Henry and Marilynn Blackaby. Henry and Marilynn were such an encouragement to these new missionaries who were struggling with learning a new language and getting their families settled into new homes in strange places like Bratislava, Szeged, Ljubljana and Klaipeda. 

One of the things that Henry said when he was teaching us during that season was something like this: Through the ages God has spoken through a variety of means. In the present God primarily speaks by the Holy Spirit, through the Bible, prayer, circumstances, and the church. 

We don’t have to ask the Holy Spirt to be with us for God has promised that His Spirit is ALWAYS with us. 

Ephesians 1:13-14: “When you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and when you believed in Him, you were also sealed with the promised Holy Spirit. He is the down payment of our inheritance, for the redemption of the possession, to the praise of His glory.”

Thank you, Lord, that the “Holy Spear” is always beside us. 

Steward

During this COVID-19 season many people have talked to me about how bored they are because they are having to stay at home. I have not been bored one day. I am not special, but Cheryl and I do have something special—a small farm. We are blessed to have this property of pastures and deep woods to enjoy. I think Cheryl really appreciates the farm more than I do—although she does not get outside the house nearly as much as I do. My getting out of the house has a double bottom line for us: it keeps me from getting stir crazy and bothering her and we are both happiest when I can get some outside therapy each day. 

As I was feeding our cows, goats, ducks and chickens yesterday I was cogitating on this: the word environmentalist has become a negative word to many of us because of some radical movements around the world. The word conservationist is still a positive word. I thought about the differences and similarities of the words. I admitted to myself that I am not a true environmentalist, but I am a conservationist. I do my best to control erosion on our steep property; I preserve hardwoods so future generations will have deep woods on the property; I keep the pond free of algae; I nurture good pasture grasses; I plant fruit-bearing trees and bushes and on and on. I concluded that I am more than a conservationist. I am a steward of our farm. I am a steward of the resources that God has entrusted to me. 

When church members hear the word “steward” many of them automatically think of giving money to the church. However, the first meaning of the word steward in the dictionary is “one who manages another’s property.” 

We don’t rent our farm from a proprietor. We don’t actually own it as there is still money owed on the property. We believe that God is the owner of our farm just as He is the owner of the universe that He created for us to live in, to enjoy and to care for. 

God has entrusted this small piece of property to our family and our job is to do our very best to take care of it. But this responsibility is not just for this land for we are to be good stewards of ALL that the Lord has entrusted to us. 

“This is how one should regard us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found faithful.” 1 Corinthians 4:1-2

Servant

All of us will have many stories to share in the future about the 2020 pandemic and how it affected us. I think the thing that I will remember most is that we were not able to be with our daughter and family when she had her 2020 child—even though they are less than three hours away. 

Allison and Will will soon be blessed with a fourth child—our 16th grandchild. That is wonderful news especially considering Allison’s recent bout with cancer. Cheryl and I are heartbroken because we will not be able to be there for Allison and Will to help take care of their three preschoolers while Allison and Will are in the hospital and during the first couple weeks to lend a hand with a very active household. 

This has been a topic of concern for our whole family for the past couple of months. Friends have volunteered to keep the children while Allison and WIll will be in the hospital, but in this season that is too big of a risk for their family. Their plan has been for Will and the children to drop Allison off at the hospital and come back and pick her and the baby up. That just sounds wrong! 

Apparently our 18 year-old granddaughter, Shelby, thought so too. She has volunteered to help. On Saturday she moved into the lower level of our home for two weeks of self-imposed isolation to make sure that she is uninfected, and then she will go to help Allison and Will for as long as she is needed .

She is set up on the lower level which has a separate outdoor entrance. We visit outside or on the screened porch or deck on our level. Shelby has a small kitchen downstairs, but Cheryl is preparing food regularly and leaving some at the top of the stairs for Shelby. The arrangement works, but it is so impersonal. How I miss hugs from family and friends!

Like many people, Cheryl and I have been alone in our home for several weeks, and now it is so great to hear someone else in the house—especially to hear Shelby downstairs singing praise songs and laughing at a TV program or movie. 

I am so proud of Shelby. She is graduating from high school, but she is exhibiting the maturity of someone much older. She is truly being a servant for our whole family as she has volunteered to serve Allison and family during this special time of their lives.

Thank you, Shelby, for showing our family what it means to serve one another. 

“As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace”- 1 Peter 4:10

The end

This morning a good friend from Texas sent me a text to let me know that their beloved dog had passed away. He talked about how sad it was, but he also talked about the joy his family experienced for many years with that pet. It is easy to get attached to our pets. 

Only twice have we had an inside pet. One time was before and just after having children. We decided that our house was not big enough for two boys and a pet, so the inside pet became an outside pet. The other time we had an inside dog was when we moved a teenage girl and an adolescent girl from the USA to Germany, and one of their
“deals” they worked out with their parents was that we would let them have an inside dog. I don’t remember a very long period when we did not have a dog as a pet—no matter where we lived. But a cat—I can count those times we have had an outside cat on my hand—and never have we had an inside cat.

On February 8 I wrote a blog entitled “Cats.” I talked about my lack of fondness for cats, but my great fondness for Viola, our farm cat. Today, Viola died. Yes, I was sad. I buried her in the pasture, and before I knew it I was thanking God for letting us have Viola for these past 12 years. I have buried a lot of farm animals over the years, but I don’t ever remember saying a prayer when they died.

Often I have heard some people refer to “dog heaven” or “cat heaven.” I am sure that they really don’t believe that an eternal life exists for their pet, but it is strange to think of an animal having a similar eternal state as mankind. 

It is good that God designed everything so that we would have dominion over animals, fish and fowl while basing our diet on some of them and enjoying others as pets and companions (What is your all time favorite dog movie? Mine is “My Dog Skip.”)

Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth." - Genesis 1:26

But the best news from that passage is not about the relationship between man and his creatures—even though Americans will spend over sixty billion dollars on their pets this year. The best news is that God made us in His own image to live among each other, but when we could not do that successfully he sent Jesus to redeem mankind. Praise! Our passing is not the end, but it is the beginning of our eternal life. Mine is vested in the Lord Jesus. How about yours

My voice

 In West Africa we had Moscovy ducks which are very hardy ducks that could survive the harsh arid climate. Living on the farm here in Georgia for the past 12 years, we have enjoyed having Moscovy ducks. We have two small ponds, and the ducks love the habitat. However, for ten years I had to buy new ducks each year because of predators. A hawk has consumed about 3 dozen over the years, but the biggest varmints are the raccoons, possums, and foxes. On really cold nights when the ponds freeze over, the varmints can consume a large portion of my duck population. 

The biggest feasting for the predators is when baby ducks are hatched, and one single predator can eat its way through a dozen ducklings. Sorry for all you animal lovers who don’t like to hear stories like this, but I am just stating farm facts. I got tired of losing baby ducks and then having to buy ducks to replenish my flock, so I decided to start looking for the duck nests and then trying to capture the mother duck and the ducklings and place them in a secure varmint-proof pen. 

Late last winter (2019) I had a male and four female ducks to survive the predators. I was able to raise a dozen ducklings to maturity. At the end of this winter, I had nine ducks to survive—partly because some of those I raised spent the night up near our barn and guardian dog and not on the pond. So far this year I have 31 ducklings in three separate pens.  I am having to be mom to ten of them because their mother did not cooperate to raise them as a captive in a pen. 

The ducklings are naturally afraid of people, and when I am near their pen they run away and cower in the farthest corner of their pen. I discovered yesterday that when I am near their pen, if I talk to myself, it has a calming effect on the ducks. It is almost like they know my voice. I am not sure about ducks, but my goats and cows definitely know my voice.

A few years ago we were having a board meeting at my colleague’s farm south of Atlanta. During the meeting, we took a break and walked out to the fence line behind my colleague’s home because he wanted to show his cows to our board member friends. Unfortunately, the cows were nowhere near us. It was a hot muggy July day, so he said that the cows were probably down in the swampy area keeping cool. He said we would have to wait and come back later when the temperature was cooler to see the cows. 

My cows have made their annual “conjugal visit” to this farm every year for the past 14 years, so at the time our board meeting was going on, my cows were mixed in with my colleague’s cows. I said to the group that I could call the cows up to the fence. They looked at one another and one of them said, “Oh sure” in kind of a smart aleck tone. Then the group had a good laugh at me, but I was undeterred and all of a sudden I let out a yell that startled the group. After their shock, they all had another laugh. Nothing happened, so I let out another yell, and we heard the faint moos of a cow. The sounds grew louder, and after a couple of minutes the large herd of cows led by my alpha cow, named Jolene, came running right up to the fence where we stood. 

All my board friends just stood there with their mouths open! I just said to them, ”My cows know my voice and they come when I call them.” A fellow board member from Australia said, “Indeed they do old chap.” 

Today I read John 10.  Verse 27 says, “My sheep hear my voice... and they come.” I had a phone conversation with a friend this morning about the biblical elder role. Foremost among the qualifications outlined in the Bible is that an elder is a shepherd. The role of the elder is to smell like the sheep that he leads. How does that happen? By living among those sheep and sharing life with them. One of the things that I miss most during this shelter-in-place season is being around other sheep. I miss my family, my friends, my fellow church members. I miss sharing life with them. 

Zoom is good, but it is a pitiful substitute for shaking hands, sharing hugs, and just being close to family and friends. Thank you, Lord, for this season, for it has taught us much about what we enjoy in life and how little we have thanked you and praised you for those opportunities to share life with our family and friends.  

COVID 1960

I saw an article entitled something like “What If This Had Happened in 2005.” All the news these days is about COVID-19, and I decided two weeks ago that I will limit my exposure to the news during this crisis. I turned on the TV news a couple times over the last few days, but the news media producers and writers are having to “scratch the bottom of the barrel” to maintain their Nielsen ratings. It seemed to me that some of the people they are interviewing really don’t know much about what is going on except what they are also reading on the web, so I have decided to just stick with picking and choosing what I want to digest from my internet news feeds.

That article made me start thinking—OK, I admit that I was in the shower where I generate a lot of thoughts and receive some of my inspiration for cogitating later on. I wasn’t thinking about 2005, but about what if this had happened sixty years ago. 

In 1960 my maternal grandmother did not have running water in the house, much less a telephone. She had electricity thanks to government programs subsidizing rural electric cooperatives. She had an electric “ice box”, but she had no TV. One light bulb hung from the ceiling of each of the four rooms in her primitive farmhouse. 

A Coronavirus probably would not have reached my grandmother’s homestead. But we lived in the big city—population around 20,000! We had all the modern conveniences, and we even had a television. My parents received the local newspaper and still listened to the radio for local news and gossip. I didn’t know anyone who had traveled to another country except some uncles who had served in the military. Our world was small and our lives provincial. 

If there had been a Coronavirus during 1960, and a stay-at-home order had been issued, we would not have had deliveries to our home from internet orders, but we might have had deliveries from the grocery store. Lysol and Clorox were around but not in the handy-wipe versions. Vinyl gloves were not available to the public, nor were face masks. No fast food restaurants, much less drive-throughs for food or pharmacies or banking. There was no technology that would have allowed us to contact my grandmother who lived 30 miles away. 

Are we blessed during this Coronavirus? Yes, indeed. First of all we are blessed to have good health. We are blessed to be so prepared for such a crisis. How blessed we are to have technology that allows Cheryl and me to see our families on our devices. How blessed we were to celebrate Easter today with our church family via FaceBook live. Thank you, Lord, for the grace and joy we have in You that sustains us during crises in our lives. 

It’s Easter! Rejoice and give thanks for all our blessings!

Chosen family

I grew up with my family in Mississippi—my dad and mom and two younger brothers. Bubba is five years younger than I, and Danny is 15 years younger. I left home for college at 17, and I did not turn 18 until I had finished my first semester of college. I did not get to know Danny other than as a baby—all I remember is having to change his diapers!

The five of us were a tight family who spent a lot of time together. My mom had 11 brothers and sisters. Three of her brothers lived in Texas with their families and two other brothers were divorced, so long distances and split families meant that I did not get to know some of my cousins. I don’t really know to this day how many first cousins I have.

My dad had only two younger sisters and they lived with their families in the same town where I grew up, so we spent a lot of time with them—especially on holidays. 

Of course, our church family was an important part of our lives, too. My grandad and grandmother went to the same church as we did.

My immediate family has remained close even though we lived overseas for many years, but we could always pick up right where we left off. We all have a natural family with whom we share the same lineage.

When I left home at 17, I never lived there again as I went to college or worked away from home every summer during college. Cheryl and I started making friends together in our early college years and today my best friend from college and his wife remain very close friends. We have enjoyed vacationing together over the past 30+ years. Our kids call them “uncle” and “aunt.” 

A seminary friend and I were called to the same church in Florida on  the same day. We have been friends of this couple for 48 years. They called us this week just to catch up on us.(Hasn’t it been great how we have all been checking on one another during this crisis!) 

So many missionary colleagues have been part of our larger family over the past 45 years. Our kids have many, many aunts and uncles with whom we have served on three continents. We enjoy getting together each year with some special former missionary colleagues. We meet in our home, and we all look forward to that time of just talking and eating and talking and eating. This past weekend was scheduled to be our annual get together time. Of course we could not meet, so we did the next best thing—we spent Saturday morning together with the help of that rising company called Zoom. The girls were on one call and the guys on another. It wasn’t as good as being in person, but it was a sweet time! 

Cheryl and I have come to call many of these relationships outside our natural families our chosen family. During different seasons of our lives we have had many people in our chosen family. Living in different parts of the world we have not had any of our natural family near us. So we have chosen others to be our family, and in many cases, these are people we love as much as our natural family.

Thank you, Lord, for our natural families, and for allowing us to have a chosen family. 

Do you know the song that goes like this:

I’m so glad I’m a part of the family of God.

I’ve been washed in the fountain, cleansed by His blood.

Joint heirs with Jesus as we travel this sod.

I’m a part of the family. The family of God

Windows

In all this Coronavirus mess I am hearing of friends and family who are so stressed. Granted, it is a time to be cautious and above all intelligent about staying healthy.

We are so accustomed to fast-paced living and operating from a full calendar, but now most people are working from home these days. That can certainly lead to even more stress and anxiety in the household. 

Cheryl and I are blessed to live on a small farm. We live on the side of a hill—they call them mountains in north Georgia—and out of every window we see the handiwork of God. During the last couple of weeks I have enjoyed more than ever looking out those windows. I marvel at the new growth on the trees, the farm animals grazing new grass, and the return of the hummingbirds. This virus has not affected all these beautiful creations one little bit. 

You might not live in a setting as we do where we can’t see our closest neighbors’ houses. Even if you live in a high rise building in the city you can still spend time alone with the Lord looking out a window at all of His creation. 

Maybe one of the messages that the Lord is sending us through this crisis is that we need to look out our windows and allow Him to speak to our hearts in quietness and solitude. 

1 Peter 5:6,7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Getting stronger

I just realized that I have not reported on my health condition in a while.  

My last “full” treatment was on March 12. As I have mentioned in a previous post the proton machine was inoperable for several days, so my treatments did not resume until March 18. I was scheduled to have 30 full treatments, and then the last three were to be smaller treatments called boosts. They were of shorter duration and gave me only two blasts of protons where I normally had three blasts. 

Since the last three were lighter treatments, I really did not have any more full blasts after March 12, so I have had over two weeks to begin the healing process.

I was thrilled when the mouth sores abated and I could enjoy eating once again. It had a been a chore to chew and to even talk at times during my treatment. During this past week the big glob in my throat has diminished, and some of my taste buds have returned, so I am enjoying tasting food once again. 

During the treatments I had to maintain the same weight as when they measured me for my mask and did the scans to set up the doses of protons. I had a surgery in November, then it was Thanksgiving. I had a surgery in December and then it was Christmas time. And all during these recovery times I was not getting any exercise, so I gained 10+ pounds. I was planning on getting it off as soon as the holidays and my recovery period was over, but then, alas, the medical team told me not to lose any weight. All this to say that I am no longer having milk shakes or ice cream every day, and I hope to lose that weight soon. 

My energy level is improving each day, and I am enjoying taking on some chores on the farm that have been neglected for the past five months. 

Since my immune system has been compromised Cheryl and I have refrained from seeing any people—including family members, much to my disappointment.

The next step is to have a follow up visit with my surgeon, but I am not in a hurry to see him while all this virus mess is still brewing. My radiation oncologist’s office will be scheduling another PET scan in June.

I am grateful to you who are reading this blog and so many others around the world for your prayer support and encouragement over the past five months. Thank you! 

Hearing and listening

When Emma, one of our twelve granddaughters, was in kindergarten she was the only child in her class who could tie their shoes. Her teacher was very impressed, and she asked Emma, “Who taught you how to tie your shoes?” Emma quickly responded, “I just taught myself.” There was nothing unusual about that conversation, but later Emma said to her teacher, “I taught myself to talk!”

Over the years I have whispered “papa” in the ears of our grandchildren beginning in their infancy, and many of them have whispered “papa” as one of their first words.

Tonight, we were on FaceTime visiting with Allison and Will’s children. Pete is 17 months old, and it seems he understands everything—OK, most everything—but he is not talking yet. I was drilling Pete whispering “papa” over and over but to no avail. Cheryl even tried getting him to say “papa”—I think just so I would stop trying to bug the boy every time we get on a video visit.

Most parents are eager to hear their child start talking. However, many parents are not too concerned about what their children hear in their home.

A few years ago, Cheryl told me numerous times that I could not hear well. I disagreed with her—imagine that—but in the end I decided to do something about my hearing. I was just completing my annual physical and I asked the nurse if they had the capacity to give me a hearing test in their office. She said that they did and showed me to a very small room where they did hearing tests.

When I finished the hearing test, I was anxious to know the results, so I asked her how I did. She replied, “Mr. Cox, you have perfect hearing.” I said, “Can you repeat that?” Well, I didn’t really ask her that, but it is funny anyway. I did tell her that I could not wait to get home to tell my wife.

Upon arriving home, I told Cheryl, “Guess what I had done at the doctor’s office today? I had a hearing test, and the nurse told me I had perfect hearing!”

In an instant, Cheryl replied, “Then something is wrong with your listening!” She got me…

It is true that we don’t listen to everything that we hear. Hearing is one of the five senses, and we hear many things that we don’t understand. Listening is a communication technique that lets us understand, interpret and put meaning to what we hear.

I don’t know how many times when our kids were growing up that I would ask them, “Did you hear what I said?” If I was as smart as I am now, I should have asked them, “Did you listen to what I said?”

Kids of all ages are hearing everything and listening to most of what we say.

Lord may all our words be kind so that when others are listening, our words will be pleasing to You and edifying for those around us.