Botox

I am wearing a T-shirt today that says: “Papa knows everything. If he doesn’t know, he makes stuff up really fast.” Cheryl bought it for me years ago because our grandkids often asked me if I knew everything. They ask that because I never say to them, “I don’t know.” And, yes, if I don’t know, I quickly respond with a random response that is usually related to the subject that they were asking about.

I recently learned that maybe I should not answer all questions my grandchildren ask me, as one of them asked me: “Papa, do you know everything?” Even though that’s what the T-shirt says, I don’t want them to think that anyone knows everything. I want them to ask good questions, and I want them to respond to good questions when they have a good retort.

All our grandchildren are intelligent kids. I have enjoyed working with all 16 of them to help them develop self-confidence. I have joked at all of them at one time or another with lines like this: “When I wake up in the morning, I look in the mirror and I say, ‘You good looking thing, if you die, I want to go too.’”

I don’t want them to become cocky, but I want them to like themselves the way that God created them. So many people spend their lives trying to be like someone else instead of being content and using the talents that the Lord has given them to be more like what God intended them to be.

One Sunday as we were preparing to eat lunch after church at our house Caleb just walked up to me, looked at my face intensely, and said, “Papa, time has not been good to you!”

After I asked why he said that he said that I had a lot of wrinkles, and that wrinkles are the sign of a tough life. I am proud of my wrinkles. A lot of people—more women than men—spend enormous amounts of money to keep their face looking younger.

In June I started Botox treatments, but not for cosmetics. I have been diagnosed with a rare neurological disorder called blepharospasm. Interestingly enough, Botox was used in the late 1980s to treat blepharospasm before it was ever used for cosmetic purposes.

Don’t worry if you have never heard of this problem because most people have not either. It causes the eyelids to involuntarily close. Bright lights and stress intensify the spasms of the eyelids making it nearly impossible to read or at times to drive. The cause is unknown, and there is no cure. However, there is one treatment. I get 10 Botox injections in each eyelid every twelve weeks, and I get some relief from these treatments. A diluted solution of botulinum is injected into the skin of the eyelid and along the eyebrow, and the injections temporarily paralyze the spasming muscles. 

The Lord has given me patience and perseverance to work through many of these spasms to keep on working and maintain as normal a life as possible. I must admit that I do get stressed out when I cannot read or drive, and I just have to keep my eyes closed for long periods of time.

The thing that has been most discouraging is the inability to read anytime that I want to read. I have disciplined myself to listen to an oral Bible, listen to news podcasts and other podcasts more frequently, and to “watch” TV while closing my eyes for the majority of the time. Fortunately, the Botox treatments allow nearly normal days for about seven weeks during the twelve-week intervals between my treatments. The first two weeks after a treatment are not good weeks as the medication takes time to be most effective. Then, at week nine, the effectiveness wears down, so the last three weeks are very difficult.

Through two separate and independent bouts of cancer and other major health problems, and now through this new challenge, my faith in a sovereign God who loves me, who saved me from my sin and has given me the assurance of an eternal life with Him, and whose Spirit guides me each day has not decreased, but has increased. Just like my favorite Bible verse says, “He must increase, and I must decrease.”