Elmer

The refrigerator door is ajar. The bathroom floor is wet. An outside door has been left open. The milk has been sitting on the kitchen counter all day.

“I did not do that,” says the wife. “I didn’t do it either,” says the husband. All couples have these exchanges many times in their marriage when something goes missing around the house or an article in the house has been moved from one place to another or there is a strange sound in the attic. Siblings do the same thing not only at home, but at school and at play. Friends also utter the same words from time to time when they are together. Often accusations get stronger as blame is deflected. Anger takes over, and grudges rule relationships for days and even weeks. Family feuds have even begun with such simple exchanges of words.

While the kids were growing up there were many occasions when strange events would happen, or something would be missing and no one in the family would confess. No one would take responsibility for causing the mysterious action or for taking the missing object.

In 1980 we spent three months living in an old house built decades before we arrived. The house had been purchased and furnished by First Baptist Starkville, Mississippi, for a missionary stateside residence.

At seven and six years, the boys were old enough to call the house haunted. One night when I was away, a very strange incident occurred. The light in our bedroom illuminated, but no one had flipped the switch. A few other bizarre events lead us to believe the boys were right.

To settle disputes about “who dun it,” and to find someone to blame for unexplained things in the old house, we decided to adopt an imaginary person named “Elmer” into our family so we would have someone to blame. Elmer has lived with us in several countries for forty years.

The front door left unlocked overnight—it was Elmer. Who left the top off the toothpaste—Elmer. A loud noise from the garage during the middle of the night—must be Elmer prowling around. Who ate the last of the chocolate ice cream and put the empty carton back in the freezer—Elmer, of course.

It is fun to have Elmer around to blame him for things that we have done and don’t want to admit or to explain inexplicable sounds in our house.

All of us have played the “blame game.” It is really just a game of personal deflection. One can get so involved in this charade that he/she blames everything and everyone else for all the bad things that are happening in their lives.

The first blame game was long ago in the Garden of Eden: “The man said, ‘The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.’ Then the Lord God said to the woman, ‘What is this that you have done?’ The woman said, ‘The serpent deceived me, and I ate.’” (Genesis 3:12-13 ESV)

The Bible is full of stories about the blame game: Cain and Abel, Moses blaming the people for God’s anger with him, Saul and the Amalekites, and Aaron and the golden calf to name a few.

The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off me when I am looking for external reasons to explain my displeasure, unhappiness, or frustration. I have to take responsibility for me. I can’t assume to take responsibility for everyone else. Nothing gets by God. He knows our hearts and He knows exactly who to blame. God says to me that I must be accountable for me—all my choices, my actions, and my life. He will take care of everyone and everything else.