Talking About Dying

People just do not like to talk about dying. Cheryl has accused me of being morbid at times when I want to talk about death. I contend that it is quite normal and expected that we talk about death.

We have all heard the expression: “Nothing is certain except for death and taxes.” This phrase is usually attributed to Benjamin Franklin, who wrote in a 1789 letter that “Our new Constitution is now established, and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” However, The Yale Book of Quotations attributes the first appearance to this: “‘Tis impossible to be sure of anything but Death and Taxes,” from Christopher Bullock, The Cobler of Preston (1716).

Another thought on the theme of death and taxes is Margaret Mitchell’s line from her book Gone with the Wind (1936): “Death, taxes and childbirth! There’s never any convenient time for any of them.”

Some people say that the older you get the easier it is to talk about death. I am not so sure  about that. From some personal experiences, I have seen resistance to talking about death from loved ones who were imminently facing their death.

Readers of this blog know that I like to write about my dad, Pete, so I will use him as an example. Pete thought that he would not live past 76 years because his father had died at that age. I started trying to talk to him about death before he reached that age, but he was resistant. I think he was just afraid to talk about his death. He was sure of his salvation, and he knew where he would spend eternity, but he just did not want to talk about death. Over the years he mellowed on the topic, and in the five years leading to his death at 92, he would openly talk with me about his death and his memorial service.

Now, my mother is a different story. Many times in my visits with her I have tried to channel the conversation to talk about her memorial service, but she won’t go there. She is not the exception; she is the norm on this subject of death.

Have you noticed how we avoid the word “death” or “died?” Just read some obituaries and you will see words and phrases like these: he went to his heavenly reward; she passed; he went to his eternal home; she expired; he departed this life; she went to be with Jesus; he departed this world.  

According to the website www.legacy.com, research on obituaries in every state revealed many different ways to say someone died: Texas and Georgia – entered eternal rest; Wisconsin and Michigan – was called home; California and Oregon – succumbed; Illinois and Louisiana – went to be with his/her/the Lord; Colorado and Washington – left this world; Montana and Utah – slipped away; and Nevada – lost his/her battle. Most of the other states just say “passed away” or “died.”

The finality and uncertainty that surround death can be frightening, even for people of faith. It makes us think about all that we have not accomplished in this life.

Christians should not feat death. Jesus died and rose from the grave, therefore death has lost its sting (1 Corinthians 15:55-56).

Death is not an easy thing to meditate on, but the wise person will think about death often. The enemy keeps us from thinking and talking about death.

Here is some advice from someone who does not fear death and feels comfortable talking about my own death: spend 15 minutes today just thinking about your death. Nothing else. Do not let your mind wander from these thoughts.

This little exercise will relieve some tension of thinking about death. You will be less reluctant to think about death, and you will think of death in a more constructive manner. Your thoughts will begin to formulate on how to prepare for death. Thinking and talking about death is healthy for your mind and the heart—the control center of your being.

I believe that once you start thinking more about your death and your eternal existence you will make better decisions about how you steward your resources: where you live, what you drive and the shoes you wear.

“Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12).