Sleep Talking

Until our boys were in high school, they shared a bedroom. I know that may sound strange to some people who are from a family of 3 or 4, but we were a family with four children and there just were not enough bedrooms to go around.

My mother could say, “There were only two boys sleeping in one room?!” That’s because she grew up in a primitive wood-sided house with no insulation or running water. The basic part of the house had two rooms with a shed attached on the back that served as the kitchen. Her dad and brothers added to that shed to make another room. It was in that shed room where my mother and her three other sisters and three female cousins grew up. There was one bed and lots of quilts for pallets.

In some ways Jason and Jeremy were about as different as day and night. One of those differences was in the way they liked to keep their room. Jason was the one who wanted everything to have a place and everything in its place. Jeremy—well, any place was a good place for anything. So we had the constant battle of organized versus unorganized.

Things became so bad while living in the bush of southeastern Burkina Faso that I resorted to extreme measures to try to keep peace in the family. I took a roll of masking tape and divided the room into two parts. I also placed tape in the closet and divided it into two parts. I assigned wall space and shelf space and drawers in the chest of drawers to each boy. By the time the tape finally wore off, they were actually getting along much better.

The boys had the only real soccer ball anywhere near our home in the bush, so they spent a lot of time playing soccer with the village boys. The area around our home was over grazed because the boys who were given the task of herding the livestock would hang out around our house waiting for our boys to come out to our makeshift soccer field to play with them. Village boys spoke a mixture of French and their local language called More’ so our boys grew up speaking both of their playmates’ languages.

Jason and Jeremy were active sleep talkers, and Jason was an active sleepwalker, so it was a regular occurrence for us to awaken to the boys talking in their sleep and occasionally find Jason walking around the house in his sleep.

One night I walked into their bedroom and discovered that they were not only talking in their sleep, but that they were talking and responding to each other! On top of that they were mixing up three languages in their conversations. One of them would say something in French and the other would respond in English. Then one of them would say something in More’ and the other would respond in French. They did not interrupt each other. They carried on a civil conversation in three languages. Interesting how it is sometimes difficult for me to carry on a good conversation in one language!

Although I do not know its source, I heard this some time ago: The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply. Proverbs 18:13 says, “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” We all know the adage: God gave us two ears and only one mouth.

This is an area of challenge for me, so I am working on being a better active listener. Here are some things I am trying to practice: 1. Looking at the person who is talking instead of looking at something else. 2. Reflecting on what the other person is saying. Think deeply about what the person is saying and make responses. The response may not be a lengthy one, but even a short one lets the person know I am paying attention. 3. Don’t just hear the words. Try to understand the meaning of the words as they are presently being used. 4. Do not interrupt or talk over the person talking. This is the toughest one for me for I am an activator and I like to hear a few words about the problem or challenge, and then I want to get to work immediately on fixing it.

I am a work in progress in this whole area. I have spent too many years not being a good listener, and I am believing that I am not too old to improve my listening skills.

These two verses have been helpful to me:

 “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” Proverbs 18:2

 “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” Colossians 4:6