Et Cetera
Some friends and family have recently asked me: Barring a miracle from the Lord, this cancer is going to take your life. There are no cures. Then why fool with all these treatments and participate in the clinical trial?
Four things I considered in volunteering for the clinical trial:
1. I prayed and felt that God was leading me and Cheryl to do this. Our bodies are the temple of God, I needed to check with the landlord before making a decision.
2. The treatments would help with the pain in my face and head, and they have done so. They might thwart the rapid growth of the cancer. We will learn the results of the scans and MRI at my 4th infusion on February 25th.
3. This is part of me wanting to show my children and grandchildren that dying is part of living. In dying, I want them to see Papa as being brave in fighting to live and facing death. I want my family to know that we celebrate births, birthdays, graduations, getting accepted into special educational opportunities, academic and athletic achievements, and special anniversaries. So we need to celebrate dying by talking about death and how it leads to walking into the arms of our Lord and Savior.
4. I want my family to remember that with this clinical trial physicians may learn something that could help save someone’s life down the road.
Three grandkids have been in our home today, and I have not felt like playing games or cards or anything with them. I have not engaged with them because I do not want them to see me in a sick mood. To the point, I have felt lousy today. I have a nagging cough and congestion. I have not been hungry, but I must eat something. But nothing sounds good to me. My stomach feels upset, and I must keep taking my medications.
On days like this I usually push myself to make it through the day, but the only thing pushing me today is that I need to get this blog post finished and posted. I know that no one is dying to read what I will write, but I like to think that on days like this I am letting friends and family down if I don’t send something out.
Cheryl and I have been in self-imposed isolation for a few weeks--even from our family. We finally decided that we would rather risk getting sick from whatever virus or cold or flu that was going around than to be separated from family and friends. During the time before our isolation and since we lifted it a week ago, we have had friends who drove or flew to our home just for a couple hours visit. These visits have lifted my spirit, and I believe that they have also been healthy for our visitors.
That has been a benefit of having a terminal disease—friends want to come see me before I pass away. Also, I get to talk to my wife and children about memorial and burial services. I feel like I am attending my own funeral.
One thing that I encourage everyone to have regardless of their age is a death dossier. It should include information that your family will need to know about credit cards, properties owned, bank accounts, insurance policies, investments including retirement plans, social security information, email accounts, travel accounts and award programs and other accounts that have passwords, etc.