Our Angel

God brought an angel to join us six months ago on our round three cancer journey. I will not share info about our angel, only that he is a retired chair of the head and neck department of a leading American medical center. He is the friend of a friend with whom I have worked on international projects for the past 25 years.

Some who read this will say that they don’t want to be bothered with medical portals, but Emory’s portals are chocked full of great information. They give results of MRIs, CT scans, blood work and more. The problem is that a layman like me can fairly easily read the results, but I don’t understand much of the content.

Last night we had a telephone visit with Dr. Angel. I had given him passwords to get into my portal, and for an hour he interpreted all our tests from two weeks ago. Note: our medical team will explain the results on April 29 when I will have my seventh infusion treatment. But they will do it quickly and give me only what they think I need to hear.

The CT scan of my chest looked normal with no evidence of cancer. This is good because if my cancer metastasizes it will most likely go to my lungs. There is extreme fibrosis all over the left mandibular (jawbone area).

Back to Dr. Angel’s report. The MRI showed that the nerve at the base of my skull looks less plump than in the last image. This is good news because this is the result of the infusions. At this point, the treatment seems to be working. However, some of my fibrosis is affecting my swallowing mechanism. That was not good news.

I still have those mouth sores, and I am biting on some of them. We discovered at my dentist’s office this week that my jaw teeth were not coming together properly, and that has made chewing difficult. He ground all the high points of the teeth on my left side and that was a big help. After my dentist finished his work, it was like I had someone else’s teeth. Hopefully, I will be able to chew once again with my left jaw teeth. It has been over a year since I have chewed with those teeth because I was afraid of chewing on my jaw or my tongue.

These teeth problems have contributed to my severe weight loss, as well as lack of appetite and choking issues. My medical team has brought up the possibility of getting a stomach tube. Then Dr. Angel talked about it last night. Cheryl is also an advocate of my getting the tube even though it will be a big daily chore for her. I can see her slipping some Brussel sprouts into that tube while I am listening to a book or watching a John Wayne western (Did you know that John Wayne was the star of 78 westerns?). I fully understand that the tube can be removed at any time.

I just see this procedure as the beginning of the end. My Emory medical team would probably say that I am being melodramatic—or at least they would think that.

I am not afraid of death.  I guess I am thinking that I am delaying death by getting a stomach tube. But then I recall that everything we are doing is palliative, not curative. Therefore, everything is delaying my death, or better stated everything going on now is to prolong my life. I am being encouraged to think of the feeding tube as a means to prolong my life and give me a better quality of life. Anyhow, it seems that I am being encouraged from all sides to get the plumbing done!

My attempts at gaining weight are not working even though I am eating ice cream every day and multiple times on some days. I am drinking whole milk and using heavy cream. I am eating a lot of pasta. Millions of people trying to lose weight, and I am trying to gain weight so that I won’t have to get a feeding tube.

But I am concerned that I will aspirate and get food in my lungs, and that would not be good. In the end I will concede because all those who are recommending my getting a feeding tube will win the day.

I have much to be grateful for as the review of my portal results and comments are very positive. The infusions are working. I am so grateful to be a part of these clinical trials. I have an army of people from many other countries praying for me and those who care for me. Anything that has happened in my life since we started seeking treatment six months ago is all for the glory of the Lord. If God wants to show off and use my story to bring others to Him, so be it. I do not want to stand in His way, but I want to be a vessel that God will use to magnify the name of Jesus.