Cancer Round 3 Part 3

Terminal. Rare. Uncurable. Aggressive. Embedded.

Cheryl, Allison and I were in the room reserved for us at Emory Cancer Center to get reports from the scans that I had earlier in the day. We were told that our appointment would last 3-4 hours. We knew that we would be meeting with 2-3 oncologists after they had discussed my high grade mucoepidermoid carcinoma with a panel of other specialists.

I was diagnosed with my Cancer 2nd Round in October 2019. But in the examination room number 63 at the Emory Cancer Center, we were waiting for a prognosis. In a visit with our physician in North Carolina, he identified a tumor and showed us the abnormality on his pc. We were expecting the tests and scans that we had would reveal more information on how to deal with this tumor.

But sitting in room number 63 and waiting to hear from the panel of professionals, what we wanted to hear was statements like these: “We are certain that we can contain this cancer with immunotherapy.”  “We are recommending that you have proton therapy directed toward the area above the submandibular from the middle of your chin to the area in front of your left ear.” “The cancer is confined to a small area in front of the ear, and we have decided that the best course of action would be a gamma knife procedure.”

But we were not prepared to hear from my radiation oncologist that this cancer would bring to a finish my earthly life in a few months. Cheryl, Allison and I were in shock. Allison recovered quicker than her parents, and she asked several good questions.

As I was thinking how this could be true, the doctor left our room, and we all looked at each other with dismal expressions. You know how everyone at some time(s) imagines this scenario: you have been told that you have a few months to live, and you begin to think about what you will do differently during those months. I have played out that scenario at least a few times during my lifetime. But, sitting in room number 63, this was no imaginary scene. This was the real thing.

My first thoughts after hearing those words were about Cheryl, and they were trivial thoughts: How will she make it without me? There will be no one at home to welcome her when she has been grocery shopping. Who is she going to sit with in church? Who is going to hug her like I do?

Then my mind turned to thinking about the things I used to be able to do. In the past month my ability to work landscaping our yard or working in my greenhouse has gone from 4 hours to 15 minutes. I must stop and rest for 15 minutes before resuming my work. I thought about some plans that we have made  for the family that may not get fulfilled. The realization that I would be leaving my family and my friends. Then, my heart derailed the mind, and I decided to focus on improving the quality of my life instead of trying to prolong it. Get out of the mindset of dying and focus on living. 

My children all know that I am a fighter and some of them want to tell me, “Dad, you just can’t fix everything.” And I certainly cannot fix round 3 part 3. But I will look at what I can control and not what I cannot. I will focus on things worthy of my time and energy. I will continue my routine of listening to the Bible, spending time in prayer, walking, working, visiting with family, setting dates and events in the future to look forward to, and encouraging others.

“I have received full payment, and more. I am well supplied, having received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent, a fragrant offering, a sacrifice acceptable and pleasing to God. And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:18-19 ESV.