Cancer Round 3 part 2
Many friends reached out to me to respond to my “Cancer Round 3” post, and I am grateful for such an outpouring of encouragement and prayer.
Some said that I was being vulnerable, and I accept that because many people when diagnosed with some type of cancer do not even say the word “cancer.” I have heard some say the “C word” or “the big C.”
I truly am not afraid of the future for I know who holds my hand when I die and walk into God’s presence for eternity. But in this missive, I will go full disclosure and expose where I hurt.
First of all, I would leave behind Cheryl, the love of my life. We have walked through some challenging times living in difficult places overseas and in the states, but we have faced every challenge hand-in-hand, trusting in God’s leadership in our lives.
I know I may not live to see all our grandchildren launched after their high school experiences. With Naomi and Caleb graduating from high school next spring, we will have been a part of eight grandchildren finishing high school—that’s half of the grands. We love getting family together so much that Cheryl prepares lunch every Sunday, and we will have between 13 and 18 of our family eating lunch in our home. Sunday afternoons are a special time for playing games and learning what has happened in their lives during the past week. Some go to one of the bedrooms and take a nap, and some doze in a chair or on the sofa in our family room. But our home is a destination for all our family, and it is our joy to provide a safe and loving space for them.
I have a fear of lack of control. Once I heard the diagnosis from my doctor at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center, my mind started working in warp speed. We have done this two times, so it will be easy. But the doctor went on to say that the tumor is imbedded in such a way that surgery is not a possibility. Then before he could say there is no chemo treatment because this cancer is so rare, my mind had already started focusing on what can I do or where do we go for more answers to questions that are unanswerable. My mind was spinning, and my heart was telling me to be calm.
I have a fear of the powerful treatments that will be proposed. The most pressing question for me is would there even be a treatment plan? If there were a choice, what would we choose. And the intensity of the treatments. What would the side effects be?
But I am an optimist. A friend who lives in Palm Springs, California, is a retired cardiologist. A month ago he gave me some advice. He said that I needed to choose an academic institution to treat what we suspected at that time to be some type of cancer. Last week I received a call from Emory Winship Cancer Center. They have scheduled a meeting on October 8th called Multi-Disciplinary Panel. The physician who led the team when I had proton therapy treatment at Emory is leading the panel of physicians who will review my diagnosis and possibly come up with a treatment plan.
Having another cancer season makes me love each day as if it is my last. I am more sensitive to loving on my family—especially the great hugs I get from all my grandkids and seeing them more regularly.
The greatest fear I experience every day is not about cancer. I fear that my actions, words, body language, or something that I write may not honor my Lord Jesus Christ.
And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17